Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Maren Stew

I think my cat, Homer, wants to eat me.  I read an article once that cats are the only housepet that would eat their owners.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Homer dearly and I know he loves me, but I still thing he wants Maren stew.  I also have some facts to back me up. 
  1. Homer enjoys rubbing noses.  He likes nothing better then to stand on your stomach, stare you in the face, and rub his nose against yours.  After a few seconds of rubbing however, he starts nibbling.  Then he takes a huge, hard bite and keeps trying to bite as you are shoving him away. 
  2. Homer enjoys nibbling on your fingernails.  Especially if you have long nails.  He starts out small, then before you know it, he’s taken a huge chomp.  It’s quite painful actually.  I’ve tried to stop him by using Tabasco sauce, but apparently that is just seasoning for the Maren stew.
  3. Homer attacks any animals that touch me.  He will smack around the dogs and the other cats.  I think he wants to keep me all for himself. 
  4. Homer can take down large animals.  The doors were left open one day and when Mike and I came home, he was laying in the middle of the floor with a pheasant.  A LARGE pheasant. 
  5. Homer keeps bringing me presents to fatten me up.  Snakes, birds, various insects have all been brought to me.  Once, he even chased me with a snake in his mouth he was so determined to give it to me. 

In summary, if I disappear one day, the cat ate me. 

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