Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Life Isn't Fair

This blog is not going to be particularly light hearted.  Fair warning before you proceed.  This is me venting my feelings and I'm not good about using a journal, so I figured sharing it on the Internet where random strangers can view is a good alternative.  Also, before I start, to my friends and family who are pregnant and/have children, please don't take this personally.  I love you all and am super happy for you.  Each one of you deserves the wonderful opportunity you have been given to be a parent.
That being said, I hate the fact I can't get pregnant.  It isn't fair.  I hate the fact that at the end of  my story, no medication, surgery, praying, or pity is going to make me a mother.  I will have to rely on the kindness or irresponsibility of stranger (as well as a lot of money on my end) to become a parent.  It's not that I would sacrifice for this, I would give up anything in a heartbeat, but someone tell me how taking out a $20,000 loan for an adoption is going to help me become a better parent than say a drug addict with 5 kids she already doesn't care for?  I know I'm generalizing, and since you all know what I do for a living, this sounds a little harsh, and I really do believe people can change, yadda yadda yadda.  But please, tell me truely, where is the justice in this?  I am a responsible adult.  I have saved, have a good job, worked on developing a strong marriage, ect to prepare for a child, and I get squat.  I try to be a good person, care about others, all that good stuff.   But at the end of the day, it's just Mike and me in our house all alone.
We tried the foster care thing, but it's amazing how many things manged to go wrong in that month which kept us from finishing.  Mike and I will resume classes next time they are offered in our area, but that's at least 4 months out, not to mention the time that it will take to be placed with a child and at the rate things are going with Mike's job, we may not even be in UT at that time to finish the classes, which once again brings me back to the $20,000 a private adoption.

I love my nieces and nephews, but lets face it, it's not the same.  The one time it was close enough that I thought I could live with not being a mother, my niece was killed.  Once again, please shed some light on how that one is going to work out for the best or what the big purpose behind that was.
I'm sorry this is so negative.  I really don't ever talk about this and I promise this is the last time it will ever come up, but I just had to get this off my chest.  I've spent years sucking my feelings back and you know what?  It feels a lot better to get them out.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Foot Fungus

I think I have foot fungus.  I was sitting at work today wondering who had horrible B.O. then realized it was my feet.  I do have to say, they are particularly stinky today, not that I normally smell my feet, but occasionally whiffs drift upwards.  Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about, this happens to everyone.
I think may have something to do with a pedicure I got 3 weeks ago.  Ever since then, there has been this little black bubble near the nail on my big toe. At first, I figured this was just a result of some of the glitter or adhesive that was used to stick all the glitter and goop onto my toe, but as the smell gets worse, I’m thinking it is some type of fungus.  I’ve tried clipping it off with clippers, rubbing medicated ointment on it, and washing it.  Nothing has worked so far. 
Yes, I know, that’s a disgusting over share, but you read it!!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Butt Harness

Scout, Dori, Homer, Cheeto, Louie, and I have been watching the Dog Whisperer each night as we fall asleep.  Last night, Homer had the awesome idea to take the dogs rollerblading, something that Cesar does all the time to exercise his dogs.  Scout and Dori were into it, so today after work, Mikey and I harnessed up the dogs and went rollerblading while the cats watched from the window. 
I should have known this would be harder than it appeared on TV the moment I stood up.  Another sign was the fact that it took me 10 min to figure how to get down the 2 stairs outside my door without falling.  After a few minutes, I was able to blade in a ridiculous position (butt out, arms extended, head up). 
Dori was straining at her leash the entire time.  No matter how fast we were going, she wanted to go just a bit faster.  Keep in mind, she is a toy poodle who weighs maybe 5 lbs, but she was running full speed ahead of me yelling at all of us to hurry up.
Scout brought up the rear.  This is an unusual position for Scout.  He's the dog who is constantly yapping at anyone withing hearing range to run and play with him.  He can't get enough walks and sometimes, late at night, I wake up to the creepy sight of Scout starring at me from about an inch away telepathically informing me he wants to go on a walk RIGHT then. 
Mike is in awesome shape, so he was getting pretty tired of holding back for Scout and me.  We managed to make it about 2 and a half miles before the dogs and I were both done.  Dori tried super hard to keep going, but Scout and I had enough.  Mike was literally dragging Scout at one point since he refused to move forward.  In the end, he rigged a type of butt harness that pulled Scout along by pushing his butt.  I've decided that I need one for our next exercise adventure. 
I could see the cat's laughing in the window as we returned. Obviously they had some alterer motive for getting us out of the house.  I bet they threw up on something.  If I come to work with a hairball on my shirt, will someone please tell me?