Thursday, April 28, 2011

Snakes of Summer

Summer has returned to Syracuse.  The grass is green, tulips are blooming, birds are singing…. And the summer snakes have returned.
I went to go get the mail yesterday and while trekking through our long grass, a light rustling of grass right by my foot caught my attention.  When I looked down, there was a 2 foot long garden snake by my foot.  I leaped one way with a piercing scream while the snake slithered off quickly in another direction, about as scared of me as I was of it.  However, this was not to be the end of my ordeal. 
As I ran quickly to the mailbox where the grass is virtually non existent and I can see my feet, I picked up a few rocks to defend myself with.  (Keep in mind, my husband is watching all this laughing)  The snake had settled down a ways and was sunning itself on the street.  Since I didn’t want it coming back into my yard, I started throwing the rocks at it.  I have a terrible aim however so the rocks didn’t come anywhere close to the snake, but as I didn’t want the snake in my yard, I needed to come up with another way to get rid of it. 
I debated getting the shovel off my front porch and chopping it up (a move I have seen my dad do several times), but this wasn’t practical as it would involve a venture through the grass again potentially startling more snakes while turning my back on the large snake on the road.  Another option was to grab the snake and throw it.  So not going to happen, neither was running at the snake to scare it.  I finally decided to grab a large tree branch and attempt to beat the snake with it till it ran away and told all it’s snakey friends about the crazy lady living in the little white house.  I picked up the tree branch, walked towards the snake and took a few practice swipes.  Then the strangest thing happened.  Suddenly I felt bad for the snake.  Sure, it had scared me and I still didn’t like it, and sure, if I didn’t kill it, the snake would probably move back into my yard, but it was still a living creature. 
Long story short, the snake is still alive.  But hopefully it will tell all it’s little snakey friends about my random act of kindness and they will stay out of my house this year

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Maren Stew

I think my cat, Homer, wants to eat me.  I read an article once that cats are the only housepet that would eat their owners.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Homer dearly and I know he loves me, but I still thing he wants Maren stew.  I also have some facts to back me up. 
  1. Homer enjoys rubbing noses.  He likes nothing better then to stand on your stomach, stare you in the face, and rub his nose against yours.  After a few seconds of rubbing however, he starts nibbling.  Then he takes a huge, hard bite and keeps trying to bite as you are shoving him away. 
  2. Homer enjoys nibbling on your fingernails.  Especially if you have long nails.  He starts out small, then before you know it, he’s taken a huge chomp.  It’s quite painful actually.  I’ve tried to stop him by using Tabasco sauce, but apparently that is just seasoning for the Maren stew.
  3. Homer attacks any animals that touch me.  He will smack around the dogs and the other cats.  I think he wants to keep me all for himself. 
  4. Homer can take down large animals.  The doors were left open one day and when Mike and I came home, he was laying in the middle of the floor with a pheasant.  A LARGE pheasant. 
  5. Homer keeps bringing me presents to fatten me up.  Snakes, birds, various insects have all been brought to me.  Once, he even chased me with a snake in his mouth he was so determined to give it to me. 

In summary, if I disappear one day, the cat ate me. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

Real Friends Bring You Toilet Paper

I spent Saturday night sending creepy text messages to my friends using song lyrics.  Usually, no one would think that Celina Dion songs would be creepy, but just imagine getting texts at 11:30 pm saying “Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you” and “Far across the distance, the spaces between us…”, you get the drift.  Thankfully no charges were filed and I believe all parties involved are still speaking to me.  It probably helped that we were all sitting together at Dennys while this was taking place.  This experience is a pretty good summary of the day.  But, let me start at the beginning.

Saturday morning Mike and I decided to test drive cars.  We are dreaming about a VW Toureg as our family car, but lack the $65,000 to purchase the vehicle.  A girl can dream though, so we decided to take a test drive.  The Toureg was everything I hoped.  It turned on a time, had a heater and AC (those who have driven in my car know the value I place on a working AC), and real time navigation to get out of traffic jams.  Amazing!  Now I just need to win the lottery…..

During the afternoon Mike and I split for a bit as he went to a funeral and I went to hang out with friends.  I jumped on a tramp with Trina’s niece, petted baby ducks, and spent an hour and a half at the Audi dealership dreaming of a $97,000 car that actually would drive itself.  Mike went to a funeral.    

When I finally met up with Mike later, we joined a group of friends at Denny’s where the creepy text messaging began.  Shortly after sending the first message (from the bathroom) I realized out was out of toilet paper and there was no one in the restroom to ask for a hand.  hahaha.  This wasn’t an air dry situation, so I broke down and called for help.

Lets all give Sara a hand for leaving the table and coming to my rescue.  And not laughing too hard about it. 

Near Death Experience

I had a near death experience driving into work this morning.  As I’m whipping down the freeway going 75 mph at 6:00 am, my entire car shut off.  When I say shut off, I mean completely shut down.  No brakes, no power steering, no gas, nothing.  I cut across 5 lanes of traffic to the nearest exit, got clipped on the back end, and coasted to a stop.  All during a rainstorm.

As my car had 180,000 miles on it, I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t anticipate the car failing as I was whipping down the freeway.  I figured it would be more along the lines of the car not starting one day.  I was extremely shaken.  For about 5 min, I couldn’t even figure out how to work my phone to call Mike, or AAA, or anyone who could help.  Honestly, I can’t believe I was able to think straight enough to get off the freeway and find a safe place to coast to a stop.  Apparently the older you get, the better you think in intense situations.  A younger Maren would have thrown up her hands and started screaming, or possibly tried to jump out of the car. 

I did learn a few things about myself from this experience, which I’m grateful for. 
First of all, I am learning to handle stress a LOT better than I used to.  No longer does a serious situation render me a crying mess.  Instead, I am able to get myself to a safe place and then think through the options.  I also can talk myself down, which is how I figured out how to use the phone again.  (Though I never did manage to find the hazard lights)
Second, I like living.  There is nothing like thinking you are going to get smashed into pieces to remind you how wonderful life really is. 
Third, I REALLY hate driving.  So next time I have to go somewhere with someone, come pick me up. 

Friday, April 15, 2011

Bucket List

So, apparently lots of people have bucket lists, so I figured I should write mine down so I can start ticking them off. And by the way, if I die before I get done, I expect my friends and family to mummify me and finish the list off.

1.  Go to Hawaii.  I've been trying to get there since 6th grade when my parents wouldn't let me go with the school choir group. 

2. Hike over Pine Valley Mountain.  To those of you who aren't familiar with St. George, this means nothing.  To those of you who know the mountain, you know I better get on that treadmill......

3.  Be a mom.  Unfortunately, this appears to be the hardest to fulfill.  Good thing trying is really fun!!

4.  Drive a dogsled.  I like dogs, I like snow, I like being carried.  Seems like a winner all around. (this would shouldn't be to hard if I'm dead.  Just strap me in and throw a bone. I think I'll leave that one till last.)

I really feel like there should be more stuff on there.  If anyone has fun ideas, lets hear them.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Of Mice and Thongs

So there was a thong on the breakroom table today at work.  A nice black thong.  I don't think anyone got close enough to see if the thong had been used, but it raised a lot of questions. 
 Where was it from?  Where had it been?  Why was it there?

At this time, the questions remain unanswered, but we did get a few good pictures and a funny story.
 Also, a mouse has moved into my cubicle.  It's super cute.  Kinda gross in a diseased way, but super cute.  I guess that's a pretty telling statement on my cleaning habits.  

Oh, and FYI, I had my friend send me a picture of the thong, but I gave her the wrong phone number on accident, so a random stranger got a picture of the thong.  Lol.  I hope it brightened up their day.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

True Friends

So, I  saw a video today about true friends.  Granted, it was a cat and a dog, but I think the lesson can be applied to all. 

A true friend stands by you, shows an interest in what you do, puts up with you-even when you are annoying, never gives up on you, and will always love you no matter what.

Look up this link and video 163 - true friend

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My First Blog

I wore a plastic bag over my head today on my lunch break.  Strange, I know, but I did have a reason. 

I'm working at the Downtown DWS office today which is right by the Gateway Mall.  This is my FAVORITE mall in Utah, so I'm always thrilled to work at this office.  I wandered down to Gateway to enjoy 30 min of window shopping while being super healthy and getting a walk in.  Storm clouds were off in the distance and I didn't think a 30 shopping spree would be an issue.
By the time I left Baby Gap (buying super cute clothing for my niece and nephews), it was raining harder than I have ever seen.  A wall of water was pouring from the sky, hail was begining to bounce down, and I was stranded 4 blocks from work with only a T shirt, jeans, and some flip flops.  My boots, coat, and gloves were sitting nicely folded on my desk. 
I had no one to call, no bus coming by for 20 more min, and no idea what to do.  I couldn'twalk back to work without some type of cover, I would be totally drenched and not professional enough to meet with customers.  No umbrella's were being sold in the vicinity, so that wasn't an option either.  Hitchhiking did come to mind, but there are some crazies around here that I wouldn't want to get into a car with, so the logical choice was to find a plastic bag, put it over my head like a bonnet, and pull out a trash liner from the garbage can to make a poncho. 
I still ended up looking like a drowned rat, but I gave some people a good laugh as they drove by.