Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I'm Not Pregnant And what I learned

The latest fertility treatment didn't work we timed it exactly took clomid which produced levels indicating that two eggs were ovulated (done via blood work).  This time around I tried some home remedies such as taking low dosages of musenex to thin the mucus to help the sperm get through and increase the chances of it attaching, and chiropractor. 
It really really sucks.  I've really want to cry about it, but haven't yet.  I've thrown myself entirely into my work.  I've written a GED Handbook to train our very new team.  The book contains 20 pages, most of  which I have collected the material and typed into an easy to read format.  I provided a 2 hour presentation to our team today and really felt that I covered a lot.
When I started the GED team, my manger gave me a caseload of 85 customers.  Prior to this, I had NO experience with the DWS training procedures.   I arranged school visit, went to orientations so I knew times and locations to send customer.  I also had to to learn to interpret the TABE scores and provide  customers with information accurate interpretations.  This all start when I got the bad news that we were going to have major issues conceiving,  Looking back, I understand that my purpose duing this time was that I needed to help customers get their GED's and make sure I had a solid knowledge of the program myself.
retreatedmyself in my work.   My program went region wide and I'm proud of how successful we have been and it helped me cope with the disappointment as I knew I was making a difference in peoples lives and the lives of their children.  Each time they think of their schooling experience, I know I have a part in that accomplishment and no matter what happens with my fertility or adoptions , its a great blessing to serve others and truly learn to love those you service.
After 3 IUI treatments failed, the first one with a miscarriage.  I needed a break so I book a one way first class ticket to Washington DC.  My sister in law was  living there, I missed them and need a break so I took 3 weeks off to gallivant across the USA.  After week of fun and amazing experiences I headed off to St Thomas, the US Virgin Islands,  It was amazing. Check the photos on my facebook page.   This is defiantly something I couldn't do with children,  A months later Mikey went to St Thomas for 3 months to find himself.,  Turned out to be an amazing time for him and when I joined him 2 weeks that we actually could talk comfortably about our future.  It was nice to have the time the time to work on our relationship and I count that as as another reason reason that I didn't have a child.  I had time to find the real Maren and I've changed so much,  I'm stronger, fear doesn't make my decisions, and I have the answer as to why God said no to a baby at this time.
Then we started trying again,  First one ended in a miscarriage,  We tried another two times but no success. I'm starting to see that my projects (trying to get tutoring for my customers) and its training to an intense project that I will help progress my career, so there is another positive,  Mike also started school so the timing wouldn't have been great.  And so I'm thinking that maybe a nice trip will be in order.
So to all my friends who struggle with fertility or having a hard time finding a spouse, be patient and God will show you why you have this trail and find ways to serve those others around you and do activities that you could not due with child or a spouse.  Take a trip,  Buy ridiculously expensive item. 
Know that god is watching over you and will lead you on the right path and you have to be willing to hear him,  I love my friends and family and if you need the support, let me and I'll there holding your hand.

No comments:

Post a Comment