Life Isn't Fair

This blog is not going to be particularly light hearted.  Fair warning before you proceed.  This is me venting my feelings and I'm not good about using a journal, so I figured sharing it on the Internet where random strangers can view is a good alternative.  Also, before I start, to my friends and family who are pregnant and/have children, please don't take this personally.  I love you all and am super happy for you.  Each one of you deserves the wonderful opportunity you have been given to be a parent.
That being said, I hate the fact I can't get pregnant.  It isn't fair.  I hate the fact that at the end of  my story, no medication, surgery, praying, or pity is going to make me a mother.  I will have to rely on the kindness or irresponsibility of stranger (as well as a lot of money on my end) to become a parent.  It's not that I would sacrifice for this, I would give up anything in a heartbeat, but someone tell me how taking out a $20,000 loan for an adoption is going to help me become a better parent than say a drug addict with 5 kids she already doesn't care for?  I know I'm generalizing, and since you all know what I do for a living, this sounds a little harsh, and I really do believe people can change, yadda yadda yadda.  But please, tell me truely, where is the justice in this?  I am a responsible adult.  I have saved, have a good job, worked on developing a strong marriage, ect to prepare for a child, and I get squat.  I try to be a good person, care about others, all that good stuff.   But at the end of the day, it's just Mike and me in our house all alone.
We tried the foster care thing, but it's amazing how many things manged to go wrong in that month which kept us from finishing.  Mike and I will resume classes next time they are offered in our area, but that's at least 4 months out, not to mention the time that it will take to be placed with a child and at the rate things are going with Mike's job, we may not even be in UT at that time to finish the classes, which once again brings me back to the $20,000 a private adoption.

I love my nieces and nephews, but lets face it, it's not the same.  The one time it was close enough that I thought I could live with not being a mother, my niece was killed.  Once again, please shed some light on how that one is going to work out for the best or what the big purpose behind that was.
I'm sorry this is so negative.  I really don't ever talk about this and I promise this is the last time it will ever come up, but I just had to get this off my chest.  I've spent years sucking my feelings back and you know what?  It feels a lot better to get them out.